Beloved Characters Whose Deaths SUCKED

Written by Jennifer Manriquez, Editor-In-Chief, Paddy Jack Press

Number 1: 

CALLY HENDERSON-TYROL

(Battlestar Galactica)

Cally, Cally, Cally... *wipes single tear from eye* I loved Cally! She was so cute, so sweet, so seemingly positive and innocent amid the onslaught of the Cylons. On the surface, she was so adorably naive, but there was definitely a darker side to her. She was, after all, the one who shot Boomer. She was cute, but tough. And really smart, with mechanical aptitude I was pleasantly surprised to find assigned to a female character. She was only doing time in the Colonial forces to pay for dental school, and she was just days away from being honorably discharged. Then the frakkin' Cylons had to show up and ruin it all.

What pisses me off about Cally's death is that:
(a) she had a fat little baby to take care of, and... 

Behold the fattest baby in sci-fi history.

(b) it wasn't even a symbolic or sacrificial death (though opinions vary on this).

She just got unceremoniously sucked out of an airlock by the massive butthole known as Tory Foster. 
She deserved better than that.
In an interview I found on YouTube, the actress who played Cally said that she felt the death of Cally was badass. I do not concur.

Number 2:

SIRIUS BLACK

(Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix)

At the very least, it was painless... I guess. I'm not talking about the movie version, either, where he gets Kedavra'd by Bellatrix. No, I'm talking about the book, where he was hit with a stunning spell (was it Stupefy?) and passed through the veil between the living and the dead, then never came out the other side.

Stupid butthole veil.

The poor guy spent most of his adult life being tortured in Azkaban, only to escape, live in hiding, then get killed. I guess there's still a big part of me that lives with the childlike ideal, "The good guy always wins." It pains me when my ideal is wrong.

What really pisses me off about Sirius' death, though, is that he was the only living family poor Harry had. Like all fans, I think, I had that thread of hope inside me that someday - when all the Voldemort hullabaloo was finished - Harry and Sirius would live a happy life together in that creepy old House of Black, with that cranky little elf, Creacher - hosting barbecues and Christmas parties for friends, Sirius being there for Harry's future wedding to Ginny. But, alas, neither Sirius nor Dumbledore are going to make it to that event...

Side Note: I have a black cat named Padfoot, called so in honor of Sirius Black. We call him Paddy, for short. He is very fat, very fluffy, extremely cuddly, and scrumptious to snuggle with. The only downside is that he barfs a lot. But we can't all be perfect.

Number 3:

JOHN LOCKE

(Lost)

Not a single episode went by on Lost where the viewer wasn't given the impression that John Locke is a full-on badass and is a major player in the salvation and lore of the island. His life before the crash of Oceanic 815 was storybook pathetic. His dad conned him out of a kidney, then pushed him out of a window, crippling him. So, John was a paraplegic before crashing on the island, then suddenly could walk. Not only could he walk, but he was strong and vibrant and vital. He seemed tied to the island by sheer destiny. So, how did he die? Strangled by the skeezy, weaselly, little rat-boy Ben, his funeral attended by no-one at all, his corpse just a pawn to return to the island for some other purpose. Wha???

Locke wanted to protect the island. In fact, I think he was the only one who really wanted to stay for the purpose of protecting it. Others wanted to stay to protect themselves from the punishments of the world away, but not John. I'll admit, he went to some seriously dark places, even murdered, to fulfill his perceived purpose, but there was still something noble in his dedication to unlocking the island's mysteries. His death seemed pretty empty and meaningless to me after all the time I'd invested in believing he was special.

But, dammit, he is special. They're ALL special to me!

*wipes another lone tear away*