The Return of Horror Hero, Joe Bob Briggs

Written by Jennifer Manriquez, Editor-In-Chief, Paddy Jack Press

Joe Bob Briggs is the patron saint of horror and exploitation films the world over. We know him. We love him. And, for 17 years, we have mourned the loss of him. Until now...

On Friday the 13th, 2018, curated internet horror channel Shudder unleashed a 24-hour live movie marathon called The Last Drive-In, hosted by none other than Joe Bob Briggs.

I don't know how many of you watched MonsterVision with Joe Bob Briggs back in the 90s, but I was there in my living room every weekend, eyes glued to the TV screen, soaking in all of the encyclopedic horror knowledge Joe Bob had to gift viewers in the interstitial spots before and after commercial breaks. He was (and still is) absolutely mesmerizing! It's like he knows everything! And, as if that wasn't cool enough, he's also really, really damn funny.

Having been born and raised in the great state of Texas myself, it was so amazing to have a really smart and witty Southerner who loved horror right there on national TV for all the world to see.  You see, Southern girls are supposed to go to church and read romance novels and watch soap operas and make nachos for their football-loving husbands. But that's not me. That's never been me. And I've always felt like kind of an outsider and a weirdo. So, Joe Bob made me feel validated. Joe Bob felt like a friend. Joe Bob was then, and remains to this day, a sincere and much-lauded hero of mine.

So, you can imagine how I nearly fell out of my friggin' chair when I found out he was coming to Richardson, TX, to host a live screening of Sleepaway Camp at the Alamo Drafthouse!! I could meet the master himself?! Just thinking about it now gives me goosebumps all over again. And I feel I need to demonstrate that my barometer for meeting celebrities is pretty low. I love horror, but I'm not willing to pay sixty bucks to get an autograph from the guy who played the guy with the thing in that one movie. But for Joe Bob, hell yes! I'd do just about anything for him! (P.S. He didn't even charge for pictures and autographs - it was $16 for the movie ticket and nothing more.) And I kind of thought it would be just a quick hello before the movie, then a meet and greet afterward, but it was so much more! Joe Bob did a long, hilarious talk before the movie, gave away some t-shirts, made jokes about how the Shudder channel wouldn't let him put the word "breasts" on the t-shirt that also featured their logo. THEN he did the drive-in totals for the movie, just like old times! It was pure magic.

And, for your viewing pleasure, here's a crappy video I took with my phone of the drive-in totals. Enjoy how my flabby arm can't quite hold the phone still. I said ENJOY, dammit!

 

Even if Joe Bob hadn't been on the scene, watching Sleepaway Camp with a crowd of horror fans was the most amazing experience! Everyone was laughing, clapping, and booing together. When the film was over, the entire audience broke out in thunderous applause! It was so much fun!

After the movie, it was time to meet the man himself. I was so nervous to actually meet one of my heroes! When I was standing in line, he was right there. It was insane! I know I sound like a dork right now, but I fully own it. I was crazy with excitement. 

This is the picture I snapped of Joe Bob
 talking to another fan while I was in line.

The line was long and serpentine, but moved fairly quickly. At the time I snapped the picture you see on the right, I still had a long crook of line to get through. Joe Bob was so generous with his fans, taking the time to talk to each and every one, with a big, friendly smile on his face. I'm a friendly gal too, so while I was in line I met a guy named Eli and we started talking about our shared love of VHS tapes and how VHS rental stores are starting to make an underground comeback. It was great! He also hipped me to a local VHS swap club. Thanks, Eli!

Eventually, my turn came. And I had the biggest, dumbest grin on my face. Joe Bob stuck his hand out to shake mine and I just immediately fan-gasm'd all over him. 

"You're my hero... I watched every episode of MonsterVision... It's because of you that I blog about horror movies now... etc."

His response was so kind! He said, "Oh, you're a blogger?" And he actually asked me to send him a link to my website! Seriously, he was just so sweet and gracious, and I wish I could've had more time to talk to him. I'd love to pepper him with questions about his career and his interest in horror movies and so much more. But, alas, there were people behind me. Sigh... So, I had to get a picture snapped and move along. 

I rode home (my best friend, Sammy, drove me; thanks girl!) with my head in the clouds, so happy to have met this legendary human. But there was more fun to be had! The marathon was the following night!

Like many people I subscribed to Shudder for the sole purpose of watching the marathon. And, like many people, I was super pissed when I turned on the Shudder channel at 8:00 p.m. and saw absolutely nothing. If you were there, and if you were at all connected to Twitter at the time, you will know that the Twitter-verse lost it's ever-loving shit that night when Shudder was so overwhelmed by viewers that it basically just crapped out. Fans are now referring to it as "the night Joe Bob broke the internet." For three full hours I got nothing. And it's not like Shudder was stopping the marathon until they were able to go to Best Buy and purchase a zillion more servers. No. Those of us who were getting left out in the cold, were just out of luck and that's it. So, like everyone else, I took to Twitter to exclaim my disappointment with cuss words and rowdy gifs. Here are a few of my posts:

 Yeah, I was pissed. We all were. But, then magically after three-ish hours, the live feed came on and I was immediately happy again. It was as quick as flipping a switch. Slowly all the feeds started coming on for everybody. There were still problems throughout the night, with a lot of people giving up and swearing off Shudder forever. But I stuck with it. My feed would occasionally flicker out, but I learned that I could switch to my computer to pick it back up, then half an hour later switch back to my Roku. There was even a guy on Twitch who was streaming the live feed with his phone, and I watched a good couple of hours that way. Hardcore fans found a way to make it happen!

I live-tweeted half the night (yes, I fell asleep; I'm a mom, don't judge me) then woke up and continued watching and tweeting over coffee the next morning. It was the most fun I've had in a long time! It took me back to those MonsterVision days where, to enjoy it, you had to tune in on Saturday night. There was no such thing as streaming - there was just you and a TV, probably a beer or two and a bucket of popcorn. I wouldn't trade those nights for anything. This was just the same. Joe Bob hasn't lost a bit of his old sly wit. He even regaled the viewers with some wonderfully pissy tirades! I can't see some jackass messing with their phone now without hearing Joe Bob's voice saying, "Stop fiddlin' with your phone!" Wise words indeed, sir.

During the marathon screening of Sleepaway Camp, fans got a special treat! The star of the film, Felissa Rose, who played main character, Angela, showed up for one of Joe Bob's patented interviews and it was amazing! At that point, I decided to publicly forgive Shudder. Here's my tweet:

We got to watch some great horror films with Joe Bob, and with each other on Twitter, that night! The full line up was (in order): Tourist Trap, Sleepaway Camp, Rabid, The Prowler, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Daughters of Darkness, Blood Feast, Basket Case, Re-Animator, Demons, The Legend of Boggy Creek, Hellraiser, and Pieces. Each of Joe Bob's interstitial bits were replete with knowledge-dropping, interviews, lessons, a heartfelt tribute to John Zacherle, and even sing-alongs.

The full marathon ended with a last, lone shot of Joe Bob in his longhorn chair, taking off his cowboy hat and looking around, then down at his feet, as the lights in the studio went off one by one. I got a little teary-eyed as I watched it and, like probably everyone watching, I hoped this wouldn't really be the last time John Bloom dons that bolo tie and entertains audiences worldwide as Joe Bob Briggs...

Luckily, exactly one week later, I saw this on Twitter!'

He's coming back! The drive-in will truly never die!!! And I will definitely be there to watch. I still have my Shudder subscription and don't plan on turning it off anytime soon. Thank you, Shudder! And, most of all, thank you Joe Bob!!! You made this gal's horror heart sing, and I am so glad you're back!

 

Lastly, I want to say that I know this isn't exactly a professional review, guys. This is a straight-up fan waxing about something that made me insanely happy. I hope you enjoyed reading about my experience with Joe Bob and I hope you'll join me on Twitter for the next Joe Bob run! Until then, fellow drive-in mutants. Until then...

A Cure For Wellness (2016)

Written by Jennifer Manriquez, Editor-In-Chief, Paddy Jack Press

Guys, I liked it. I know a lot of people didn't. And I generally H-A-T-E body horror, but this body horror was tolerable, the setting was kind of Giallo-gothic, and I'm a Dane DeHaan fan. So, what's not to like? Let's get into it, shall we?

Dane DeHaan plays lead character, Lockhart, who is sent to a sanatorium in the Swiss Alps on a quest to retrieve a colleague who has inexplicably decided to spend the rest of his life there. They are stock brokers or financiers or some-such that I can't even force myself to care about. During all the shop talk I kept thinking, "just get to the guts of the story already!" Douchebags discussing douchery does not interest me - in fact, it makes me feel dirty, like maybe I need to douche. Luckily, the douchbaggery bit doesn't last too long and our hero is soon on his way to the land of Swiss cheese and Swiss chocolate! (Great, now I'm hungry...)

I won't recount all of the minor details here, but I will say that it doesn't take our boy Lockhart long to figure out that something's amiss at the sanitorium.

Speaking of the sanatorium, the whole Swiss vibe reminded me of Dario Argento's Phenomena. There are a few shots of a train crackling through the wilderness and some beautiful frames on the Alps. Gorgeous! And, yet somehow haunting. It's wide open, yet serves to make the viewer feel claustrophobic and alone, which hearkens to how Argento so masterfully accomplished it. Wellness is missing the Goblin soundtrack and the tourist yelling for help, but you get the idea. The setting puts you in the middle of a beautiful nowhere and there is nobody around for miles to help you. Enjoy the view!





And, just for fun, here's the opening scene of Argento's Phenomena, for your reference files and viewing pleasure. (P.S. Fun fact! The girl in this scene is Dario Argento's daughter, Fiore Argento.)



Beautiful and haunting setting aside, the story moves along at a decent pace, with the introduction of villains, allies, and worms at the right times. It's all very mysterious and I never found myself wanting to stop the movie and just see what happens on the internet. I felt compelled to let it unfold.

There's a girl, there's a boy, there's some weirdness going on. I don't need to get into every detail, but I liked the story, even if it did become a hair predictable at times, and I thought the acting and the effects were great. Like I said before, I am not a fan of body horror and there are some teeth things in this movie, along with some mouth and throat things, maybe some eyeball stuff, maybe not. I don't want to spoil! So, two of those things is true and one isn't. I'll let you find out for yourself.

There's a very claustrophobic water tank scene that had me holding my breath as well!



The whole scene in the tank was very involved and took ten days to shoot. The experience sounds utterly terrifying to me, so hats off to DeHaan for going through with it. I hope his paycheck reflects his fortitude. You can read about the making of this scene and a couple of others from the film here: http://www.vulture.com/2017/02/how-a-cure-for-wellness-pulled-off-its-creepiest-scenes.html

It's difficult not to go into spoiler territory, because there are some specific scenes near the end of the film that I really need to discuss with fellow horror fans over coffee, but alas the movie isn't old enough that I feel like I can go whole hog with the ending. Let me just say that it's weird and gross, but also not exactly what I was expecting and therefore provided a pleasant, albeit cringe-worthy, surprise.

In conclusion, I enjoyed it. I think you will too. Hit me up on Twitter and let me know what you think!

Oh, before I go, on July 13th, legendary horror host Joe Bob Briggs will be treating Shudder viewers to a 24-hour movie marathon, complete with Joe Bob's cuts chock full of info and commentary. There's no way I'll be able to watch the entire 24 hour run, but I'm sure gonna try! My sincere hope is that Shudder will make a Joe Bob Briggs channel and allow us to watch the films at a later date with his cuts inserted. Please do this for me, Shudder. No, not for me. For US!!! Here's the ad that's been making it's way around the Twitters.