A Cure For Wellness (2016)

Written by Jennifer Manriquez, Editor-In-Chief, Paddy Jack Press

Guys, I liked it. I know a lot of people didn't. And I generally H-A-T-E body horror, but this body horror was tolerable, the setting was kind of Giallo-gothic, and I'm a Dane DeHaan fan. So, what's not to like? Let's get into it, shall we?

Dane DeHaan plays lead character, Lockhart, who is sent to a sanatorium in the Swiss Alps on a quest to retrieve a colleague who has inexplicably decided to spend the rest of his life there. They are stock brokers or financiers or some-such that I can't even force myself to care about. During all the shop talk I kept thinking, "just get to the guts of the story already!" Douchebags discussing douchery does not interest me - in fact, it makes me feel dirty, like maybe I need to douche. Luckily, the douchbaggery bit doesn't last too long and our hero is soon on his way to the land of Swiss cheese and Swiss chocolate! (Great, now I'm hungry...)

I won't recount all of the minor details here, but I will say that it doesn't take our boy Lockhart long to figure out that something's amiss at the sanitorium.

Speaking of the sanatorium, the whole Swiss vibe reminded me of Dario Argento's Phenomena. There are a few shots of a train crackling through the wilderness and some beautiful frames on the Alps. Gorgeous! And, yet somehow haunting. It's wide open, yet serves to make the viewer feel claustrophobic and alone, which hearkens to how Argento so masterfully accomplished it. Wellness is missing the Goblin soundtrack and the tourist yelling for help, but you get the idea. The setting puts you in the middle of a beautiful nowhere and there is nobody around for miles to help you. Enjoy the view!





And, just for fun, here's the opening scene of Argento's Phenomena, for your reference files and viewing pleasure. (P.S. Fun fact! The girl in this scene is Dario Argento's daughter, Fiore Argento.)



Beautiful and haunting setting aside, the story moves along at a decent pace, with the introduction of villains, allies, and worms at the right times. It's all very mysterious and I never found myself wanting to stop the movie and just see what happens on the internet. I felt compelled to let it unfold.

There's a girl, there's a boy, there's some weirdness going on. I don't need to get into every detail, but I liked the story, even if it did become a hair predictable at times, and I thought the acting and the effects were great. Like I said before, I am not a fan of body horror and there are some teeth things in this movie, along with some mouth and throat things, maybe some eyeball stuff, maybe not. I don't want to spoil! So, two of those things is true and one isn't. I'll let you find out for yourself.

There's a very claustrophobic water tank scene that had me holding my breath as well!



The whole scene in the tank was very involved and took ten days to shoot. The experience sounds utterly terrifying to me, so hats off to DeHaan for going through with it. I hope his paycheck reflects his fortitude. You can read about the making of this scene and a couple of others from the film here: http://www.vulture.com/2017/02/how-a-cure-for-wellness-pulled-off-its-creepiest-scenes.html

It's difficult not to go into spoiler territory, because there are some specific scenes near the end of the film that I really need to discuss with fellow horror fans over coffee, but alas the movie isn't old enough that I feel like I can go whole hog with the ending. Let me just say that it's weird and gross, but also not exactly what I was expecting and therefore provided a pleasant, albeit cringe-worthy, surprise.

In conclusion, I enjoyed it. I think you will too. Hit me up on Twitter and let me know what you think!

Oh, before I go, on July 13th, legendary horror host Joe Bob Briggs will be treating Shudder viewers to a 24-hour movie marathon, complete with Joe Bob's cuts chock full of info and commentary. There's no way I'll be able to watch the entire 24 hour run, but I'm sure gonna try! My sincere hope is that Shudder will make a Joe Bob Briggs channel and allow us to watch the films at a later date with his cuts inserted. Please do this for me, Shudder. No, not for me. For US!!! Here's the ad that's been making it's way around the Twitters.