March 3, 2019

Greta (2019)

Two words: hot mess.

Do you remember in Scream when Sidney Prescott said of scary movies, "Whats the point? They're all the same. Some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can't act who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door. It's insulting."

This film personifies that quote to a tee. The young protagonist, played by Chloe Grace Moretz, makes the most inexplicable choices. At one point, she smacks Greta on the head with a rolling pin, then runs to the front door, which of course is locked from the inside and requires a key (yes, a key, to get out the front door; what?), but since she can't find the key she goes running down a flight of stairs we've never seen before into a basement, where she proceeds to bang on a tiny thick window to no avail. Oh, did I not mention that the door had a standard window in it that she could have easily fit through? My bad. Did I also fail to mention that right next to the door there was a huge window that she could have just busted out with the rolling pin and simply walked through without even hunching over? Again, my bad. I mean, give me a break! I think the director is hoping viewers won't notice these glaring errors, but no dice buddy.

I'm also thinking the director gave Chloe Grace Moretz instructions to never close her mouth because every other scene is her doing this...

Now, I don't mean to malign the performances of Moretz or Isabella Huppert, who played title-character Greta. Honestly, both actresses did a very professional job with a garbage script. If it weren't for their strong performances, this would have been a B movie at best.

My opinion is, don't bother unless you're a fan of either of the actresses. Go see it for them, don't see it for literally any other reason.

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